lickypickystickyme: Apparently everybody could use a little penis in their lives.
38,896 notes May 23, 2013 via: doubled-by-twice-the-amount

absoluteweezy24:

The many ways to say penis. Vol.1

Penis
Phallus
Dildo
Mushroom
Meat whistle
Meat stick
Pecker
Weiner
Fuck stick
Shaft
Bang rod
Shlong
Dick
Cock
The”party in my pants”
Stan
Anal probe

19 notes 03:16 AM via: absoluteweezy24

slythermint:

when i was

a young boy

my father

took me into the city

to see a marching band

he said, “son when—”

image

9,356 notes 03:12 AM via: ermahgerd-its-a-turtle

113,720 notes 01:52 AM via: twwinkies

bubblelumps:

1000notes:

comedraco:

twyll:

good posts with a long string of terrible comments

image

good posts with a self promo from lolsofunny and sodamnrelatable

image

This post has been featured on a 1000notes.com blog.

image

59,286 notes 12:36 AM via: doggyduck42

brolininthetardis: fuckingrecipes: SHUT THE HELL UP AND STOP PUTTING ICE CUBES IN YOUR LEMONADE. YOU WANT FIX YOUR WATERY LEMONADE? ADMITTING THERE’S A PROBLEM IS THE FIRST STEP TO STOP BEING A PUSSY, AND MOVING ON TO BEING A MAJESTIC MOTHERFUCKER.  GET SOME FRUIT. BLUEBERRIES, STRAWBERRIES, PEACHES, LEMONS, LIMES, FUCK I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE PAPAYA OR MANGO! GET YOUR ASS OUTSIDE AND PUNCH SOME BUSHES UNTIL IT CRIES FOR MERCY AND HANDS YOU YOUR GODDAMN FRUIT.  BERRIES YOU CAN JUST SHOVE INTO THE ICEBOX AND GO CONQUER A COUNTRY WHILE YOU WAIT A DAY FOR IT TO FREEZE. PEACHES AND NECTARINES, FUCK, YOU CAN EAT THE DAMN SKIN ON THOSE! TAKE OUT THAT MACHETE YOU KEEP IN YOUR BACK POCKET, BECAUSE WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHEN A DINOSAUR COULD COME KNOCKING AND MOTHERFUCKERS NEED TO BE PREPARED, THEN HACK THAT DELICIOUS MOTHERFUCKER INTO SLICES.  NOW PUT THOSE BEAUTIFUL FUCKERS IN YOUR FREEZER.  YOU’RE A CITRUS KINDA ASSHOLE?  TAKE THE SKIN OFF YOUR CITRUS AND RECYCLE THAT SHIT! SAVE THE WHALES, YOU HARCORE MOTHERFUCKER.  I BET YOU CAN SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING, WITH THE FREEZER.  FUCK.  WHEN YOUR FRUIT IS FROZEN, USE THEM INSTEAD OF ICE CUBES TO KEEP YOUR DRINK AS COLD AS A SNOWMAN’S FROSTY DICK, AND MAKE ALL YOUR FRIENDS OR MAYBE ONLY YOUR PETS SAY ‘WOW WHAT A CLASSY MOTHERFUCKER’ IF YOU’RE AN ALCOHOLIC TYPE OF SHITHEAD, YOU CAN PUT YOUR FROZEN-ASS FRUIT INTO RUM OR VODKA OR SOME SHIT.  NOT ONLY ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE A COLD, FLAVORED DRINK, BUT YOU’LL GET YOUR DAILY SERVINGS OF FRUIT. YOU SNEAKY LITTLE HEALTH-CONSCIOUS ASSHOLE.  TASTES LIKE GODDAMN VICTORY, THAT’S WHAT.  #AGGRESSIVELY FOLLOWS THIS BLOG
38,774 notes 12:33 AM via: twwinkies

❝ One time I went shopping for shirts and suits, but then I found the most beautiful pair of socks and I thought, “I just have to buy this”. So when I did, and I was at the counter, the cashier told me, “You can get another pair of socks for a half off since we’re having a special sale.” So I did, I went and got another pair of socks and then they told me, this time, that if I buy another pair of socks, I’ll get another pair of socks for free…And so I bought another socks to get another pair of socks for free and they told me again that if I buy another pair of socks, this time, they’ll let me have two pairs of socks for free. And I did. So by the end of the day, I had bought about 7 pairs of socks and no new suits or shirts. And I thought to myself, “This is my life now. Spending money on socks. ❞
-

Benedict Cumberbatch, excerpt from Neigh magazine  (via rosenlaui)

This is why he’s not allowed to go shopping without Martin Freeman. He does this

(via tiger-in-the-flightdeck)

Lol oh my god dying from the cute

(via jupitereyed)
18,115 notes 12:30 AM via: doggyduck42

gif-not-jif: One of the best 3D gifs Ive seen fantastic gifs
162 notes 12:28 AM via: and-wed-both-go-down-together

11,614 notes 12:26 AM via: doggyduck42

carpals: lividula: gnostic-forest: architectureofdoom: Road washed out by flood, WA state. This is so beautiful Officially my new favorite picture in the whole world. nature wins all at the end Someone needs to tell me where this is
98,907 notes 12:25 AM via: twwinkies